When I broached this topic with one of my friends in China, we were taken aback to realize that our 40s were looming just around the corner. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when it happened, but female friendships have become an indispensable aspect of my life. They offer me emotional sustenance, opportunities for profound self-reflection, boundless encouragement, and endless inspiration.
Transitioning from my 20s to my 30s felt like unwrapping a box of chocolates – full of surprises and adventures. It was a time of spirited exploration and deep self-discovery. However, as I entered my 30s, my focus shifted towards settling down and starting a family. At 32, I reached a significant milestone by marrying my partner and embracing parenthood. This marked a pivotal moment in my life, where the excitement of exploration transformed into the steady rhythm of family life.
My friend has chosen a different path. After years of working and studying abroad, she decided to return to China. Armed with invaluable international perspectives, she is brimming with curiosity about the developments in our homeland. Rather than getting caught up in the endless hyper-competition known as neijuan in Chinese society, she has found her rhythm of inner peace. She delights in engaging with people from various walks of life and enjoys exploring diverse ideas through her extensive network.
After nearly an hour of profound conversation, we realized that despite taking different paths, we share common aspirations for our journey into our 40s. Here are the three main hopes and dreams we uncovered:
1. Finding Joy in the Everyday
Sometimes, it’s the simplest things that prove to be the most challenging. Have you ever found yourself lacking motivation, unable to muster the energy to do even the most routine tasks? As each new day dawns, do we greet it with enthusiasm, or are we merely going through the motions? And as night falls, do we rest easy, knowing we’ve embraced the day to its fullest, without the burden of regret weighing us down?” In the words of my friend, it is so great to have a normal day. While big goals and significant changes may spark excitement, they often come hand in hand with anxiety. Conversely, finding joy in small, incremental steps leads to a sustained sense of happiness.
2. Accumulating the Momentum of Incremental Change
There are times when I find myself reminiscing about the freedom of my single days. Yet, as a wife and mother, spontaneity often takes a back seat to the need for stability and routine in our family life. It’s essential to provide a secure environment, both in our daily schedule and financial planning. But how do I balance this need for stability with my yearning to explore new interests and pursue my passions (e.g. Nature education)? Simply wishing for change won’t suffice. I must allocate dedicated time to my pursuits, treating them with the same consistency as my regular exercise routine. The tipping point will arrive when the incremental progress I’ve made accumulates into significant change.
3. Fostering Strong Social Bonds
Cultural contrasts significantly impact the ease of establishing close-knit social circles, with China offering a more accessible environment compared to Germany. My friend, now residing in a modern apartment in Beijing, highlighted the convenience of connecting with individuals across different age demographics. In China, spontaneous gatherings are the norm, eliminating the need for formal reservations and fostering greater flexibility in social interactions.
However, the social entry barrier in Germany is notably higher, posing challenges for foreigners like myself in quickly integrating into suitable social communities. While my friend in China builds connections based on proximity, I’ve found it necessary to curate my social networks based on specific interests, such as family, parenting, sports, and expatriate groups.
As I reflect on our conversation and begin to summarize our discussion, my iPhone unexpectedly presents me with a portrait memory of my friend. It’s a poignant reminder of how life unfolds, akin to journeying on a train where our paths briefly intersected in the same cabin during our EMBA program. Witnessing my friend rediscover herself and live authentically, like the heroine of her own story, fills me with joy.
No matter where life takes us, the cherished memories we’ve shared will always serve as a tether, connecting us across time and distance. As we eagerly anticipate our 40s, let’s eagerly await the opportunity to reminisce and reflect on our journey together. The anticipation is palpable, and I can hardly contain my excitement.